


There's Something About Gary

by pirate_smile



Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25782523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pirate_smile/pseuds/pirate_smile
Summary: What does Hatchetfield think of Gary Goldstein: Attorney-at-Law?
Relationships: Gary Goldstein/Linda Monroe, Gerald Monroe/Linda Monroe
Comments: 5
Kudos: 28





	There's Something About Gary

The island town of Hatchetfield was not one of those small towns in movies where everyone knows everyone else and were all friends with each other. The citizens were unlikely to all band together to help one of their own in a pinch. No, that wasn’t Hatchetfield. Hatchetfield was more a place where everyone liked to know everyone else’s business right up until someone needed help. Then, they turned a blind eye. Nosy, judgmental, and apathetic. Some Hatchetfield natives likened the town to the one from “Beauty and the Beast”, a comparison started by one Emma Perkins. The hushed response that was never directed at Emma specifically was that she likely considered herself Belle in that scenario, though Belle probably would have had better grades in school.

While some of Hatchetfield’s people complained about this culture, like Emma Perkins or Becky Barnes, most people still partook eagerly, like Ted Spankoffski. Others merely plugged their ears and pretended it didn’t exist. This was the method of choice for folks like Paul Matthews and Bill Woodward. If conversation ever veered into gossip, they would try their best to redirect it to anything else, with varying degrees of success. Still, they heard most of the gossip Hatchetfield had to offer.

And there was a little gossip about everybody. Nobody was immune. Most of the time, the rumors were about things the subjects of said rumors would really prefer stayed secret. That was what made them good rumors.

Emma Perkins was “the girl who came crawling back to Hatchetfield after slumming in poverty in Guam for ten years”.

Becky Barnes was “the washed-up cheerleader who couldn’t keep her husband from running off with a woman in Clivesdale”.

Ted Spankoffski was “that disgusting man having an affair with that cop’s wife”.

Paul Matthews was “that boy who had left his senior prom crying because his date had dumped him at the dance”.

And Bill Woodward was “the man who chose his work over his family and caused his wife to divorce him and move to Clivesdale”.

And, funnily enough, the stories told by the old Hatchetfield rumor mill were always a little wrong. Emma had been backpacking in Guatemala, not busking streets in Guam. Becky’s husband, Stanley, had had a way worse fate than running away to Clivesdale. Ted wasn’t actually the instigator of his affair with that cop’s wife, and he often tried to back out of it. Paul gotten a call during the prom from his parents telling him their cat had died, so he’d left the dance to grieve. Bill and his wife divorced not because Bill was a workaholic, but simply because their marriage hadn’t held up to the strain of parenting. The discrepancies, as frequent as they may have been, didn’t stop the mill from turning.

But there was one citizen of Hatchetfield who was rarely talked about, and if he was, it was done carefully behind closed doors of homes.

Gary Goldstein.

The man on his own wasn’t that intimidating. A slightly-built man with big, round glasses in gold wire frames who wore ill-fitting suits. He sometimes wouldn’t button all of the buttons of his suit vests. He sometimes took calls on his phone and held it up to the ear he had his Bluetooth earpiece in. Sometimes, he was downright laughable.

What was intimidating about Gary was his job. He was an attorney at a private firm in Hatchetfield’s business district downtown. He was not Hatchetfield’s only lawyer, nor was he Hatchetfield’s best lawyer, but he was Hatchetfield’s craftiest lawyer, and he did anything for money. A joke that carefully circulated said that Gary would represent both sides of a suit and find a way to win both if the payout was good enough. Unlike anything else that had ever been said about him, this joke actually reached Gary, and, thankfully, he thought it was hilarious. But those who had seen him first react to it would swear he got a scheming gleam in his eyes.

Hatchetfield knew that Gary would not hesitate to sue for defamation if any rumors got back to him, and they knew he would pull out all the stops to get a quick buck out of whichever unlucky soul was on the other side of the case.

So all gossip pertaining to Gary was kept especially secretive under an unspoken pact among the rest of the town. But that didn’t mean there wasn’t anything to say about Gary. If he weren’t such a sleazy lawyer, he might be the single most gossiped about person in all of Hatchetfield. If he weren’t known as Gary Goldstein: Attorney-at-Law, he’d be known as something else.

Gary Goldstein: Town Whore.

Who hadn’t Gary fucked at this point? The rumor mill had it in good confidence that Gary had had sexual relations with nearly all of his female clients and a good number of the male ones. Sex with Gary was seen as destress method of choice for the rich and elite, also known as Gary’s clientele.

The evidence was all right there. The late nights he spent at the office sometimes “reviewing a case” with a client. The way he would touch his clients during a case. The protective grip on the shoulders. Though, what was more telling was the way some of his clients would melt into the touch. The way that, time and time again, his clients would defend him and say things like “he saved my marriage” or “he really opened my eyes” or “he treats his clients very well”. None of them would admit that they had slept with Gary outright, but it was there in their tones of voice.

For Gary’s end, he was a single man married to his work. Men, as Hatchetfield knew, needed sexual release, and they needed it all the time. And Gary was a self-described pragmatist, after all. It made perfect sense that a man like him, who prioritized money over everything else, would seek sex from his clients, who were paying _him_ , rather than just buying a hooker. A little extra effort in seducing and he could save the cash.

More blunt members of the Hatchetfield gossiping community would point out that Gary must be a pretty good screw if he could get all of those women to fuck him. Others would rebut with the fact that trophy wives got bored easily.

The rumors went so far to wonder if Gary was the father of one of Linda Monroe’s four children. Well, there was no wondering, really. They were certain of it. Not because one of Linda’s boys looked like Gary or didn’t look like he fit in with his brothers, but because the pieces, once again, just seemed to line up. The late nights at his office happened more often with Linda than any other client, and it was widely known that Linda was bored with her husband.

Linda was a textbook trophy wife. She was a stay-at-home mother who barely mothered, and instead preferred to spend her days obsessing over her looks or shopping or out on her boat or, unsurprisingly, being one of the key figures in Hatchetfield’s gossiping community. Those who knew Linda – and that was everyone, Linda loved being the center of attention – knew she was a controlling type of woman. She was the type who got what she wanted or threatened consequences.

Gerald Monroe had been perfect for her in most aspects. He was a surgeon who specialized in nose jobs, which explained Linda’s new nose, and he was completely spineless. His philosophy on marriage was “Yes, dear”. With Gerald, Linda got enough money to not have to work a still have enough to buy whatever she wished for. Even Gary’s services when she felt she was being slighted. And Gerald never challenged her on it due to the empty space where his backbone should have been.

So Linda lived a charmed life, but there was always more to want. Predictably, the things Linda wanted most were things she couldn’t buy. For example, a more exciting sex life.

And that was where Gary came into the picture.

The arrangement would be mutually beneficial, to use Gary-speak. Both Gary and Linda would get the sexual experience they were both craving, neither had to pay a cent, and both could guarantee total silence. Sure, it was one thing if everyone knew through the rumor mill, but if word got out about their relationship, Gary’s practice and Linda’s marriage would be in jeopardy due to sheer societal pressure. Neither wanted that to happen, so, of course, total secrecy.

If Gerald knew, he was masterfully playing ignorant. He must have, though. The man was weak-willed, not stupid. He was bound to have heard about at least one of Gary’s other sexcapades and put two and two together.

People also wondered if Gary and Linda’s relationship went a little deeper than casual sex. Gary was Linda’s type, after all. He didn’t have any principles to stand by. He could justify any slimy, dirty thing imaginable and would probably just roll with it. He had an overly reverent attitude toward women. He treated his female clients like precious flowers to be treasured and protected. And Linda was a devastatingly attractive woman. She could say “jump” and he would ask “how high?”. She could say “steal that man’s car” and he would ask “where do you want it parked?”

Could Gary have feelings for Linda? Or vice versa? The town didn’t know, but they figured time would tell. Or maybe the divorce suit between the Monroes, that to some gossipers was inevitable, would.

But, of course, all of that information was from the rumor mill, which was often wrong, if only a little bit. Here are the facts.

Gary Goldstein: Attorney-at Law has had sex with many of his clients during those late nights at the office, though not nearly as many as the town thinks he has. And definitely not with Sherman Young, despite how many lawsuits that man has filed. Gary has had sex with Linda Monroe on more than one occasion. They do indeed have an agreement to keep their relations a secret from the rest of the town for the sake of Gary’s law practice and Linda’s marriage. All in all, surprisingly accurate for the rumors that floated around Hatchetfield, except for one detail.

Gary was the father of two of Linda’s children.

**Author's Note:**

> I just can't get the phrase "Gary Goldstein, town whore" out of my head. And honestly? I respect him for it.


End file.
